3 shifts left!!

and i can't wait to sit around the house and be just a mom!!

xoxo.

oh..
boob leaked today!! joy!!
:)

ok..
so i went to the hospital yesterday..
i was throwing up all day and then i threw up some blood..
call the ob/gyn and she told me to head to beaumont..
they hooked me up to some re-hydrating juice because apparently i was really dehydrated from throwing up all day!!
and i was also hooked up to what i called the baby monitor..
it listened to gavin heartbeat to make sure he was all good..
it also tells women in labor how their contractions are going.. like they can't feel it or something!! :)
so.. my nurse.. who rocked my world!!.. came in with "that" look on her face..
she asked me if i could feel the contractions i was having..
i told her i felt those little braxton hicks pre-labor guys.. but no big deal..
as i was literally saying this.. i went.. awhhh... oh.. not so little!!
fuck!!
what was going on?!?
this can not be happening!!
i'm only ..ahhhhhhh... 29 weeks!!
so yah.. contractions are being felt!!
they poked and scraped at me for some while.. in "that" area!!
never fun!!
and conducted some tests that i couldn't tell you what they were called!!
then they gave me some medicine.. don't know what that was called either..
but.. it's making the ahhhhss!! go away!! and that's good..
i'm not dialated.. that's REALLY good..
so gavin is safe from appearing WAY TO EARLY!!
i just have to take it easy..
did you hear that michael.. and the majestic.. i have to take it easy!! :)
i'm home now..
still feeling sick to my stomach..
they gave me another medicine to help keep my food down..
but.. i have zero appetite..
soup is all i want..

all and all..
i'm ok..
just a little freaked out still..
cross your fingers for no more ahhhs!!

xoxo.

17 days left until i get to leave work!!
yay!!
and i can't tell you how exciting this is going to be..

i am sooo tired..
i could sleep for years..
i think gavin is sucking all of my energy outta me!
i can really feel him moving around now a days..
it's much stronger than trent..
the drs called me early last week..
after looking at my blood work, they found out that i was SEVERELY low on my iron..
which doesn't really surprise me seeing that i have been my whole life..
so i have to take these crazy iron supplements..
they are soo big..
and they make my poop black..
like.. black.. not brownish.. but BLACK!!
it's very odd..

what else is going on..??

humm.. not much..
just taking it day by day..
and un-patiently waiting for gavin's arrival!!
11 more weeks!!

xoxo.

i officially put my maternity notice in at work today..
and..damn.. do i feel good!!
52 days and counting!!

i am feeling much better with myself these days..
my hormones are settling down..
i went to renee's son's party.. (double possessive.. is that right?)
it was nice..
i didn't know a soul there..
it was very awkward!!
but trent and i played together with some other little kids for about an hour..
the we bid farewell..
i talked to renee for a minute or two..
it was nice to see her..
we promised to get together.. just us.. later and catch up..
hopefully we will..
i'd like to re-connect with her!!
oh.. and by the way..
her house is nice.. brand new.. in a cookie cutter neighborhood..
where every house looks the same.. and there are NO trees!!
my house rocks WAY harder!! :)
LOL..

gavin has been kicking me soo hard..
i swear..
he's killing me!!

and..
i also have a secret... if you can keep it for a minute..

my sister robin.. knocked up!!
yup.. 6 weeks..
she hasn't really told a lot of people yet.. i.e. my dad..
so she wants to keep it quite until she gets a chance to talk to my dad..
soooo... if you happen to see her..mums the word.. ok?!?
fun!!
her baby's gonna be 6 months younger than gavin!!
fun!!
she's totally gonna have a girl.. i feel it..:)
fun!!
she's cute.. asking me all these pregnancy questions..
can i wear nail polish? can i color my hair? can i use my proactive?
funny..
i totally remember those feelings..
now i'm like.. can i just get gavin out of me please.. pretty please!?!

:)
xoxo.

work is really starting to take a toll on me..
i really have to take a step back..
every..single.. muscle.. in my body is killing me.. seriously!!
i worked almost 15 hours yesterday..
i feel like i got ran over by a freight train..
my boss was thoroughly impressed with me though..
we had a very large catering function that took up almost the whole complex..
it looked fab-u-lous!! if i do say so myself!! :)
i put my thinking cap on and all of my years of experience really came in handy.
by i tell ya.. doing that while 5 1/2 months prego.. not so fun!!

onto a different topic..
i am going to be seeing a really old friend, renee, on saturday for her child's 2 year b-day party..
i have not seen her in many years..
we recently found each other on the ever so helpful myspace..

i'm really nervous.
not sure why..
we were really close for a long time.
then she got mixed up in drugs.. and we separated.

her life is crazy fabulous from what i gather..
she married a VERY wealthy man.. lives in a VERY nice home.. and raises her 2 children with ease.
i'm sure this is probably not the whole picture.. but it seem that she has it all..!!
she described keegan's b-day party like she was maddona or something..
pony rides.. clowns.. hot air balloon rides.. moon walks.. crazy!!
but the reason why i a am nervous is not the money or material things..

it's because i'm always afraid of looking like i have not made anything of myself.. like i am a failure.. like i'm not good enough.. as if i don't live up to everyone else..
is that not soo super retarded? but it's how i feel..
i always feel like i have to justify every move i make.. to twist it so it "looks" good on paper..
i hate it.. i think it's a sick complex that i got from the ass hole i have to call my father..

i really wish i didn't have to rationalize these problem is my head all the time..
it gets worse at work..
lately.. i have been running into people that i have not seen in quite a while..
they ask me about my life.. my child.. my belly.. if i still talk to so and so..
i always feel like i'm being sized up.. drilled ..
"yes.. i still talk with raphie..
yes.. i still have the poison free tattoo..
no i have not been to my ex's bar small's (why would I?)
yes, i got pregnant with trent while i was 1. unmarried 2.drunk 3. in a really low point in my life,
yes, i got married while i was pregnant but for all the right reasons"

yah see how these simple questions that people ask can mentally beat me up every time..??
what's wrong with me..
i'm sure people just are "catching up"..
but i feel the need to over analyze every question and think that they are somehow trying to get some kgb secrets out of me..

geeezz..

Pavarotti - Nessun Dorma

for all of you that know me well.. you know that classical music and opera are a HUGE part of my life. THE best opera singer of all times has recently passed. luciano pavarotti.. here he is singing my all time favorite aria.. nessun dorma.. from the opera toruendot.. it makes me cry every time i hear it!! it is soo powerful.. and only he can sing it and make it so. i had the privileged of seeing him live twice. i will never forget those performances!!

rest is peace.. ciao bello!!

so.. it's another boy for me!!
and i couldn't be any happier!!

baby t will have a lil buddy to play with.
'speially since they are so close in age.
my darling husband was soo cute during the ultrasound.
the woman doing it was taking a million measurements.. a million i swear..
i guess that's her job right!?!
then she said..do you want to know the sex?
michael grabbed my hand and squeezed it really hard..
she pointed with her cursor to the penis..
i knew what it was as soon as i saw it..
i started crying..
she said.. it's a boy..
i was balling!!
my husband was like are you ok?
the woman looked at me.. obviously knowing that i wanted a girl by my pink tshirt, pink headband, and pink undies that i was wearing.. and said you wanted a girl this time huh?
i said.. i wanted a healthy baby..
she said.. well then you got your wish!!
when we were leaving michael said to me.. i was sad for you.. i know how much you wanted a girl..
what a lovely man he is..

i will say that i was a little let down..
but i can't wait for this little bundle of joy to come out and to smother him with kisses!!

and no..
there will be no "next time"..
i am sooo done!!
two boys is what it will be..
football games in the freezing rain.. sweaty, smelly gym bags.. loud band practices in the garage.. and unconditional love from my two boys!! :)

i know i said his name was going to be gavin.. but that is changing daily..
apparently gavin is a very popular.. and the hubby wants a name that is not in the top 5oo most popular list!! whatever!!

so far..
damian
damon
lukas
brodrick.. brody <------ i hate this one!!
drake <--- not so much
dylan<--- too 90210 for me!!
devin <-- love love love this one!!
cade.. or kade..
antony.. not anThony

any other ideas?!?

xoxo.